A letter....A small Whisper

Dear who ever,

I have a lot to say yet no one really seems to listen and at the end of the day,I understand that I'm only young and people will sit there and say well what does she know, However i have had some great life lessons though my own mistakes and watching those i love around me make mistakes too.

I have sat for hours crying over those who have wronged me and i have laughed sitting next to someone who would only become a demon in my life. I have helped those who only kick me to the curb when they have achieved what it was they set out too do. I have also been put on a peddle stool that i didn't belong on and soon knocked my self off of the top. I have sat for hours listening to music that does nothing but make me cry i have also put music that makes me feel like a queen awaiting her moment in the sun. I often have thoughts wondering what i deserve and what i have done to deserve some of the cards life has dealt me. Why i lost my forever man on many occasions and why i lost that person i always thought i could trust, But within seconds the same thought of those nights laughing till i couldn't breath and loving so hard i thought my chest was going to explode. I've put myself in situations i don't even want to think about now.

I have watched her cry over the man she thought loved her as everything was taken away, I have watched him break because he thought he didn't deserve the world he lived in and there was nothing else for him to give. I've been called at 2am because she couldn't cope being alone and she needed me. I have sat and watched people i love being taken away from me and i have also watched new people come into my life who have made it better. I have watched that couple scream and shout until they where red in the face but after it all they new they weren't going anywhere without the other. I have seen my friends have babies and seen them grow into amazing little humans.

I am a mixture of all these things, I am a complicated person who still doesn't fully understand herself, not too sure what my purpose is. Where am i meant to go and will i ever find something and go this is it! Whats was i so scared and upset for? I don't know whats going to happen how many more times i will cry over someone who is not worth my time or Laugh till water squirts through my nose. How many days ill wake up and look in the mirror and hate everything i see and then those nights where i go out and feel completely unstoppable. I am a beautiful mosaic of mistakes, Regrets, Fears, Hopes and love. I am a collage of the people i love and those i couldn't stand to be around because they make me cringe just at the thought. I am everything i have ever seen or experienced, i am all the love and pain. Yes I'm only 21, Yes I'm quiet and quite often i will look as if i hate everything around me and everyone in it.

But in fact I'm quite the opposite I'm scared of everything and everyone in a world i have only seen a small portion of. I am a dreamer who believes that my life will be like that movie i love to watch over and over. I am the person who rarely thinks of herself and will think of others even if it hurts me. I am growing and ever changing i am shy and not great at talking but if you ask ill answer. If you have even read this far good for you...Your waiting for my point? The grand reveal, well there isn't one.

This is a letter to myself or to who ever feels the same way. I am a rainbow of colours forever changing forever growing.

Yours always
Jade